The Sakyong Jamgon Mipham Rinpoche - Written Teachings

When we wake up in the morning, our first thought is often some variation of “What about me?” If this thought drives our lives, fear and self-absorption rule us. When our motivation is to make “me” happy, our mind begins to shrink, and with it, the possibility of true happiness. Our days are difficult because other people are inevitably getting in the way of our plan.

In meditation practice, we begin to notice how we go around and around, continually wanting happiness for "me." Even though we’ve made our world technologically sophisticated, most of us are still caught in this simple cycle. This is the meaning of samsara. We have all kinds of expectations and make all kinds of plans, but because our motivation is small, we’re always setting ourselves up for disappointment.

True happiness comes from a bigger motivation. It is marked by egolessness, lack of struggle, and a fundamental joy and sense of celebration, not only in our own happiness, but also in the happiness of others.

The Buddha taught that fundamentally, our nature is stainless, basically good. Within that goodness is wisdom, compassion, and the ability to care for others. When we experience the truth of that goodness, we feel content. From that perspective, we automatically notice what is happening with other people. Just like us, they want happiness. Like us, they do not want to suffer.

The crowning jewel of the heart and mind is the ability to extend love and compassion to others. Love means that we want them to experience happiness. Compassion means that we wish for them not to suffer. If we generate this motivation, this noble mind and heart, we will have true happiness.

Extending ourselves to others increases our life-force energy. That love and care begin to bind our family, our business, and our life. Considering others is the basis of any spiritual and worldly success. I’m defining “success” as having a fulfilled, meaningful, and permanently happy mind. If we help others, we will all find the happiness and success that we want.

In meditation, we go through the process of making our motivation bigger. Why do we meditate? First, we want to become familiar with our inherent strength. Then we want to get familiar with love and compassion. We’re motivated by the desire sit in a mind that is opening up. The kind of openness we’re talking about—compassion—is a sign of weakness in the ego.

At the beginning, sitting in the mind of compassion and love may feel overwhelming. Our motivation has been “What about me?” for such a long time that this bigger view is scary. But if we start with someone close to us, someone who doesn’t present any threat, we find that it feels natural to hope for that person’s well being. We can generate those feelings of love, care, gentleness, and kindness.

In the absolute sense, it’s easy to think, “I would like everyone to have the root of happiness, enlightenment.” Then, on a relative level, there is the wish for others to have mundane happiness, to enjoy their lives and feel fulfilled. It is important to include this level of detail in the practice. If we are visualizing someone we don’t like so much, wishing them enjoyment, we may feel jealousy, agitation, and other emotions.

The point of expanding our motivation to include the happiness of others is not especially to bring up negativity. However, if negativity does arise, we can use it to deepen our understanding of samsara and habitual patterns, which will help us feel what others are going through. Everyone suffers in the same way for the same basic reasons. At a certain point we will begin to recognize the basic condition of the human realm, but not with a sense of one-upmanship, as in, “I see you doing it, too.” Genuine compassion is not demeaning to others. There’s an element of letting go.

Continuously working with our mind by making our motivation bigger has a positive influence on our environment. Specifically wishing happiness for people we don’t like can make them easier to deal with. If we have a list of ten people we are angry with, as we work our way through the list, we will find it becoming easier to forgive. Because we’ve practiced, we can let go. Suddenly, we feel a sense of height, which comes from having created a platform of loving-kindness. We begin to see the transparent quality of our grudges and opinions.

Waiting in an airport, we can think, “May all these people want to be happy. May none of them suffer.” If we can look at people from that point of view, rather than letting our mind chatter away with thoughts like, “Get out of my way,” or “What a strange haircut,” we can make our whole day into practice. No matter how much time we’re putting in on the cushion, we will always be practicing.

Big motivation comes from confidence and understanding. The Tibetan word for confidence is ziji. A person with ziji has dignity, the radiant power of a mind that has relaxed into its own inherent strength. With such a mind we are content, because we trust ourselves. We’re satisfied. Especially in this modern culture, we often feel that we don’t have enough; we need more to be complete. But if we haven’t learned what is enough, then even when we have enough, we will not know it. The mind of ziji knows that we have plenty.

Expanding our motivation through meditation and then taking that mindfulness and compassion into the world doesn’t mean we’re always going to get the perfect parking spot, or that everything will be on sale wherever we go. There are always going to be hassles. But with a big motivation, we are more prepared to face the hassles. We will no longer take suffering as an insult—“Why me?” We will know that we can either crumble beneath unfortunate events, or we can use our powerful mind and rise above them.

If our mind and heart are fully present in whatever we are doing, our lives have meaning. There’s a sense of fulfillment. But if, at the end of the day, we lack a sense of contentment, life feels empty. When we feel that there is no meaning, what has really happened is that our growth and curiosity have stopped. We’ve forgotten our motivation. Learning to balance the worldly with the spiritual has nothing to do with vocation, and everything to do with intention.

Can we feel comfortable in our own mind and heart? Every morning, we need to contemplate what we’re doing in our life today and how we will grow by benefiting those around us. We need to give ourselves the opportunity to foster a sense of love and care.

Compassion and love are not simply a feeble response to hard times. If our motivation is to generate compassion and love for everyone—beyond the notion of friend and enemy—all our wishes will be fulfilled. With this motivation, true happiness is ours.